Eh. I'm in that mood again where I'm feeling really emo and don't think there's really any point to my living. I'm not at all suicidal, but just.. cynical, I guess. Calculating. My life doesn't really make any impact on others but to burden them; I haven't done anything all that great and I don't even think I'm in the position to do so.
My friends are blah. I don't feel all that close to them, and I don't really know anything about them at all. Come to think of it, they all have their own little social networks, ones that I'm not a part of. Simply put, I'm extraneous. I serve no meaningful purpose.
My life kind of sucks right now. I have to either look like a jackass and be shunned by the people I like to be around, or I have to.. be quiet and completely escape their vision? I'm not all that close to anyone right now, not to the point where I can just walk up to someone and say hi without having something to actually say. I have to ask about things that I know more about, just to start a conversation, and even then, the conversation is over after the question is answered.
Also, there's this girl... and she's starting to cling to my friend, quite obviously. Which pisses me off because he doesn't even acknowledge that she's doing anything of the sort. I'm not so anti-social that I misinterpret a "Hi" and a hug as a proposal, but.. going out of the way, away from her usual friends, to sit near, and playing the piano with? Come on.
My new hobby seems to be turning on music, keeping it at full volume, and sort of napping with my head right over the speakers. It seems to help; white noise just isn't doing it for me anymore.
Oh, and my laptop's being crappy. My CD drive won't work. ):
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